Time and time again, I have tried to warn my humans and humans everywhere about the constant threats lurking around every corner. Do they listen? Do they take heed?
No. More often than not, by tireless efforts are met not with gratitude, not with praise for a job well done, but with a scolding. An admonition to stop my life's work!
To be fair, I've sometimes barked before thinking. It happens to the best of us. I now realize the man with the leather bag is not a foe, but a friend. It took me a while to realize this, with constant reminders from my humans. But look at it from my perspective: a man not of my pack approaches the den, day in and day out, looking for weakness ... a chance to strike? How was I to know he was simply putting paper in a box?
But I digress. Despite some miscalculations on my part, I must insist that the vast majority of my warnings are indeed valid. I must inform you when I see something that goes against nature, like humans with wheels for feet, or chihuahuas.
Or this guy:
He does not ride a bicycle like the other humans. It is different, it is scary, and it MUST be reported.
You will thank me someday, when an army of these strange creatures descends upon the neighborhood.
Because I am a good doggie, I will not say "I told you so."
My mouth will be too full of spandex bicycle shorts to do so.